Sebadoh - "Showtape '91"
(unreleased, 1991 / Domino Records, 2006)
On their 1991 tour, burgeoning indie rock stalwarts Sebadoh were known for playing a tape of obnoxious / baffling spoken word stuff in between songs while they were tuning. (By the same token, Sonic Youth were known for playing Madonna songs and samples of European church bells in between songs in the '80s, since they had to tune and retune dozens of modified guitars.) It was all spoken by singer / guitarist Lou Barlow, fresh off of being kicked out of Dinosaur Jr. Tapes of this were passed on in the underground tape-trading community, and it was finally released in 2006 by Domino on the deluxe reissue of III. I bought that album in '97, but was not too impressed and soon sold it. I had heard about the showtape, so I didn't think it could live up to my expectations, but definitely did, and then some. Lou spoof lots of things that later became indie tropes (e.g. "drone-rock," emo, fanzine dweebs, Swans worship), and uses a strange enunciation most of the time to convey either sarcasm or mental instability. He constantly hammers away at the "three guys" premise, casting the band's members as everymen, heroes of the hoi polloi. Towards the end, it starts to get unhinged and quite uncomfortable to listen to, as Lou ruthlessly skewers his band's own motives for making music. It took me until just today to realize that "The lonely band that mutters" is a spoof of the Clash's laughably false slogan "The only band that matters." Hahahahahaha.... x 1000. The first line is an example of Lou intentionally messing up the syntax to make it sound more like a sound collage made from various sources.
Some samples, in the order they appear:
"Guitars, in front of Marshall stacks as full wall of them explode with a simultaneous on switch, begin wailing various percussion at any tempo. I, bloody with Uzi blast, reach to play guitar, fumbling violently as it screeches through the Marshalls. Grab guitar and plays what he wants. I struggle to my feet, hoisting the guitar over my head. Ladies and gentlemen: The pieces of meat! Dual denial... Duel of denial... Dueling denial."
"Your postmodern folkcore saviors: Sebadoh!"
"Three guys who appreciate and simulate [assimilate?] the power of modern drone-rock: Sebadoh!"
"Sebadoh... Featuring that guy who played bass in Soul Asylum: Lou Barlow!"
"Another evening of oppressive noodling, courtesy of Sebadoh!"
"Three guys in search of the eternal party: Sebadoh."
"Open-chord tuning saviors of alternative rock and roll: Sebadoh!"
"And now, shattering the barrier between artist and audience... Three guys with smiles you can trust: Sebadoh."
"Three more reasons to doubt your boyfriend... Sebadoh: Jason, Eric and Lou."
"Guitar, bass, percussion... The fire, the wind, the heartbeat. A live experience surely among the top ten this year: Sebadoh."
"Three guys who think it's much more important if the music is heartfelt rather than if the music sounds like shit or not: Sebadoh!"
"The east is where the vampires live. The west is where the searchers go. Searching for a reason just like you: Ladies and gentlemen, the sensitive power of Sebadoh."
"In the tradition of Daniel Johnston under a cloud of hiss: Sebadoh!"
"Searching for a reason, just like you. Ladies and gentlemen, the sensitive power of Sebadoh."
"It's not bullshit, it's Sebadoh."
"Distinctive songwriters, any Beatle wannabe, three guys you need to know. Super show, Sebadoh!"
"Unencumbered by structure... masters of melodic, atonal free-association. Three free spirits... Jason, Eric and Lou: Sebadoh!"
"A crystal shining forever moment, courtesy of Sebadoh!"
"Sweet, destructive, turning musical corners at breakneck speed."
"Battling monumental indifference, sadly overlooked as creatively inferior bands are basically treated like geniuses and receive enormous recording budgets. Buns up to corporate wastemongers: Sebadoh!"
"Three dumpy guys with no fashion sense."
"Shaking hands or sharing feasts, three friendly minstrels who aren't very friendly... Reinventing folk music: Sebadoh!"
"Boys and girls, as free as the fingers flow, a heartful drone you should know: Sebadoh."
"Sebadoh: The lonely band that mutters."
"Perhaps smoking pot or drinking beer before setting foot onstage, it's Sebadoh."
"Figuratively pissing in your mouth, humiliating and subduing your spirit, exposing every nook and cranny of the human psyche... Way to go, Sebadoh!"
"Searching for the lowest common denominator, resorting to tired tales of naughty-boy boredom, asking annoying questions and providing bogus answers. Self-serving closet fascists making money from marijuana masturbation."
"Incompetence masquerading as inspiration, inspiration mistaken for true talent, a spectre of egocentric behavior sputtering wildly out of control. Ladies and gentlemen, indie rock's newest unrecognized genius of songwriting sucker-punch, in a minivan for a six-week tour: Sebadoh!"
"Taking every opportunity to subtly manipulate your expectations for a moment's amusement. Becoming suddenly bored at your immature attempt to engage our approval with your typical butt-licking fanboy fervor: Sebadoh!"
"Driving dozens of college-age lemmings off the cliff of limited imagination. Smashing their soft skulls on the jagged boulders of our bitter sarcasm... Three assholes: Sebadoh!"
"Laughing at your shortcomings, tactlessly wielding destructive honesty to protect themselves from true feeling, eagerly butt-fucking your grandpa."
"Turning personal vendetta and small-minded revenge tactics into eventual cult status... The only man in the world who truly appreciated the genius of the Swans: Lou Barlow!"
"Rescuing wounded animals and diligently nursing them back to health and returning them to their woodland homes: Sebadoh!"
"Putting down everything, judging all as lame. But for all their hype as something new, they play the same old game. Another letdown, another reason to do it yourself: Sebadoh!"
Some of today's pompous indie-hero windbags (Arcade Fire, Conor Oberst, and Radiohead / Thom Yorke come to mind quickly) could learn a lot from Lou and the boys on this track.
Here's a pic I found a few weeks ago of a pair of flyers created by the NOLADIY guys. They apparently date back to at least 2006, maybe earlier. The one on the left is a spoof of the "punk police" (people who decide whether or not a band is worthy of remaining relevant), I guess. (I think I remember reading that it was put up in protest of a gig at One Eyed Jacks by the Dead Kennedys after they had reformed without Jello Biafra, but I could be totally wrong.) Pretty simple and effective... but the one on the right really stopped me in my tracks:
Reverse psychology can be a great weapon...
Best / least pompous bio I've probably ever seen, found today on IMDB's message boards for the movie School Daze: LadyGlamSlam - "I was born, I grew, I learned, there was pain, I got fat, then there was some sex scenes, roll credits."
Planets with similar climates: None
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